Septuagenarian's Notes (6) - LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS (LDRs)

BY BA IPE

THE classical propinquity theory in the discipline of sociology, a branch of social science, says physical distance determines human interaction. The closer the physical distance, the more intimate and personal the human interaction is. Please notice husbands and wives, dating couples, parents and their children, teachers and their students. Because of sheer distance, the interplay of emotions could be intense and passionate among them. Separate them physically and human interaction is adversely affected. Hence, propinquity theory has withstood the test of time. It has remained a fundamental theory in human behavior. Its validity is beyond any shadow of doubt.

Two major inventions in the early part of the 20th century have affected – or revolutionized – human interaction. The first is cars. The mass introduction of cars had  enabled men to conquer space at that time. Men and women alike  were no longer confined to their homes, offices, schools, and town centers. They could move around with new found freedom associated with their cars. With cars , their behavioral patterns had greatly altered.

With cars, people had started to enjoy freedom. They could move with lesser restrictions and go to other places they never went before. Human relations was greatly changed too. It was easy to relate to people in other towns, cities, and states. Human interaction became more  intense. Romance too. The car had come to define human behavior, including interaction.

The second is the coming of the radio. It was the first broadcast medium, which uses the airwaves to transmit information. The second was television which came 35 years later. The emergence of radio – and television – has constituted broadcast media, which enhanced human interaction. The sociologist Daniel Bell said mass communications has led to the  emergence of what he termed “mass society.” Mass media has shaped human behavior, especially interaction, on the basis of what they have heard or seen over the two broadcast media platforms.

Fast forward to 2000. The invention of digital technology and the gadgets associated with it and the emergence of Information Revolution have triggered the ascendancy of nontraditional media, which is different from either print or broadcast media. The use of cyberspace has led to the integration of mass communications platforms, leading to the nontraditional media, including social media.

This means altering the already complicated human behavior, particularly the interaction side. It conquers both time and space. Messages among people from different cultures could be sent and obtained in real time, further erasing restrictive barriers. It is easier to communicate with people in other countries and cultures. Space and time have been transcended with nontraditional media.

Thus, intimate relations can be cultivated even in cross cultural settings. Now, we see the advent of long-term relations, where men and women use nontraditional platforms to create intimacy. The old adage that long distance relationships does not work is being shattered by the new technology platform and the popular will to create new relationships by this new paradigm shift.

There are no empirical data to support assertions to prove or disprove the importance of long distance relations, or LDRs. But the absence does not mean, LDRs are not with us . It s very much with us. They are alive and kicking.

I’ve been told that LDRs work in some instances. In other instances, they don’t. The point is that LDR is with us. Human interaction is a function of technological advances. LDRs will stay with us in the coming months, years, and decades. From a humanistic viewpoint, main is incomplete without the other half. He will invent new things to invite, entice, and keep the other half.

The proliferation of fraud is the single, biggest enemy of LDRs. During the early days of online technology, a number of love struck Filipino women fell victims to a bunch of foreign Lotharios, who promised to give the moon and stars. Mostly these Romeos were of questionable nationalities. It was later found out they were mostly Nigerians or Malaysians, who operated or have been operating in some Internet cafes in their countries.

How these Romeos of questionable credentials had victimized some hapless Pinays was a lesson in naivete. At that time, many Pinays were thrilled to have foreigners as boyfriends without knowing they were scammers of the worst kind. They promised weddings to these Pinays and many Pinays caved in to their demands and requests.  They had the mistaken notion that foreign husbands could be the answer to their wretched condition like helplessness and powerlessness brought by the lack of economic opportunities.

They were the proverbial damsels in distress, who were to be saved by their knights in shining armors, but, in actuality vultures in sheep’s clothing, who were out to take their hard-earned savings. I was personally approached by a fiftyish public school teacher, who claimed to have waited for his Romeo almost the entire day. It was no show for the helpless and powerless, who waited for him at the NAIA. “Namuti ang mga mata ko sa paghihintay (my eyes turned white for waiting),” she told me.

She told me her purported boyfriend took a sizable amount of her savings, which he claimed would be used for visa facilitation and purchase of plane ticket. But after she sent the money, the boyfriend disappeared without any trace. He closed his accounts to her complete discomfiture. She asked me on what to do, but said she did not approach police because she did not trust police officers.

I suggested she approached any of the three broadcast networks so that the issue would be brought out publicly and avert any future scams of similar nature. She did and in the following week, she told me that she was treated shabbily by the networks. Not one of the three networks wanted to take her case as an issue. The staffs even scorned her for naively falling victims to scammers. “Naku Ate, bakit ang tanga mo?” a lowly staff asked her. She told me she was a respected teacher in her school and the lowly staff was hardly a professional.

I told the teacher that she better forget recovering her money. She just fell victim to a swindler. It was estafa, plain and simple. Her case was not an isolated case because there were other cases of scams perpetrated by those Lotharios.     

But there are success stories in LDRs. I have  an older sister who met his British husband through the old pen-pal scheme, where they resorted to the snail pace mail system. After exchanging letters for so long, they got bored and decided to meet.  The British national (an Englishman) went to the Philippines, met my Ate, who was a public school teacher, got smitten by her charm, and married her in a civil wedding ceremony here. I was a witness in their wedding and went to their wedding reception, which was exclusively for relatives and friends.

Their marriage has been holding for more than 30 years.  My brother-in-law is already in his 80s while my Ate is about 74 yo. Their marriage is fairly stable and my brother in law is a frequent visitor here. We occasionally meet and have fun bantering and drinking together.

Concerning the LDRs, using modern digital technology, the case of Eden Pelaez and her boyfriend  Eric Villar. Eden has been a popular netizen, whose opinions and posts are highly valued by netizens in social media. Eric is a professional engineer, who met Eden in social media. Somehow, romance has blossomed between the two netizens, who have been separated from their legal spouses.

The two netizens have ironed out their differences and found themselves they have sufficient bases for keep their relations. They have met in what was called an “eyeball.” Eric traveled more than 500 kilometers south of Metro Manila to meet Eden and her family.

The seriousness was most palpable. It was a relationship that started as an LDR but has bloomed into a full-pledged relationship.