MEN'S PHILANDERING WAYS

By Philip M. Lustre Jr.

(Author's Notes: When I first posted this essay three years ago, I was severely chided by some lady netizen-friends for giving ideas on how to cheat their w ives. I denied that I was in that mode. On contrary, my intention was the exact opposite. this is to give ideas on some female friends on how they could better rein to their partners. this is for my new friends in this social networking site. this is also for the millennials.)

EVEN THE most careless among men would cover the tracks of his philandering ways. Why not? His wife or partner would raise hell if he is meeting someone. No woman would want to lose her husband or partner or face any competition.

This is always the mindset of every philanderer. In what is basically a cat-and-mouse game, a philandering partner would have to find ways and means to hide his nefarious activities. This is a reality of every marriage, relationship, or friendship.

I've been exposed to men's ways to camouflage their cheating ways. After spending hours with their favorite ladies of the night or GROs in some sleazy nightspots, some Gallivanting I've known men (including me especially during my younger days), would use some concoction to dissipate the smell of perfume of those GROs.

A friend used a mixture of gasoline and kerosene to pretend as if he had fixed his car, which went awry while going home. It neutralizes the smelly perfume. Another friend required the woman to get rid of her perfume whenever she sat beside him. No proof, no right to speak, so the old adage goes.

For my part, I had a raw soap, which I used to wash my body of any lingering smell of a woman's perfume. Afterward, I let the soap to dry up my body for an hour or two. I did the final wash-up only in the morning.

I considered it my own technological breakthrough because my wife did not suspect me of doing any nocturnal activity, which the Vatican has always described as most condemning. Other friends had followed my example; They reported to me that the raw soap technology was quite effective.

But this does not happen often. I had a friend, whose rocky marriage went after his wife discovered his philandering ways. Although he did not violate the 11th Commandment, which is "thou shalt not get caught," hell broke loose after he violated the 12th commandment, which is "when caught, you will not admit."

How did it happen? His wife, who was suspicious of his not-so-healthy ways, conducted a thorough probe, without his knowledge, of course, of his car. His wife, like the fabled Sherlock Holmes, had found incriminating pieces of evidence that tended to prove that he had committed transgressions to their marriage.

One night, his wife confronted him like the Grand Inquisitor of old, accusing him of all crimes in the world against their marriage. Then she presented three strands of pubic hair, all attached by a scotch tape to a white paper, claiming she found them in his car.

My friend could hardly argue. When he regained his senses, he lamely said that those pieces of hair came from his armpit, which his wife did not believe though. Since those strands of hair had appeared thicker curls with deeper, they could have come from a woman's most private part, she argued.

Their argument resulted in a temporary separation. After my friend confessed his crime and promised to mend his ways, they are rejoined to resume their marriage, which was almost torn asunder by infidelity. A man is entitled to a second chance, he told his wife.

So what's the point? Men are not saints, but they could be sensible enough to do what should be done. The road to a life of righteousness is damned narrow. At times, he could go astray. But it pays to tread that narrow path.