FUNNY MOMENTS IN PHILIPPINE POLITICS

By Philip M. Lustre Jr.

(Author's Notes: I originally wrote this article two years ago. I have decided to put it into my blog so that millennials would understand how humorous was our political situation several years ago.)

Philippine politics has many things splendor. It has its highs and lows, fluxes and flows, or dead-ends and false starts. It is  never a smooth sailing process. It has its pains and sorrows, of course, funny moments.

We all breathe politics - from sunrise to sunset, from the bedroom to the living room, from the garage to the toilet, from the office to the coffee shop, or from the street to the house beer, or even motel.

Nothing politically significant or insignificant beagle could escape from the eye of every Filipino.

But we do not lose sight of the humor in every political discourse, statement, or exercise. We are essentially a humorous people; we know how to laugh and sigh. We also know how to cry.

Proof: We laugh collectively as a people on every conceivable folly or foible from candidates. We could not help but sigh and every political misfortune. We cry when our favorite candidates lose.

Last October, a number of 130 persons, who trooped to the Comelec main office in Manila district of Intramuros to file their certificates of candidacy for president, were eccentric characters, who triggered guffaws among the people. Every presidential election is a perfect venue for humor .

It is amazing to hear and see weird candidates, whose decision to run for the presidency was provoked by the strange voices they heard urging him to run, the conversations they allegedly had with extraterrestrials, or those divine signs that only they alone could understand.

The humor, however, is not limited to the filing of their certificates of candidacy; it extends to the political campaign, as every candidate tries to grapple with every single moment of fame to gain notice. In fact, they are too many to mention.

In 1981, dictator Ferdinand, challenged by international pressures, called presidential elections to get a new mandate from the Filipino people, but the mainstream political opposition boycotted.

Only two candidates faced Marcos - Alejo Santos of a faction of the Liberal Party and Bartolome Cabangbang of the Federal Party.They gave nothing but token opposition to lend credence to the accusations of rigged elections to favor the dictator and prolong his grip in power.

I was then working for Jiji Press, a Japanese news agency and I was assigned to cover a political meeting where Cabangbang explained his political platform and program of government, which was the US application for statehood by the Philippines if he ever he won. It was a political platform that was scorned and ridiculed by many people, particularly those with nationalistic bent.

Cabangbang, a member of the Interim Parliament, the rubber stamp legislature under the Marcos dictatorship, spoke before 200 stunned people somewhere in the Manila district of Paco, dazzling them with what he considered positive effects if ever the Philippines became the 51st state of the United States.

For an hour, Cabangbang perorated, saying the following to this effect: "If our country becomes the next US state, our economic problems would be solved. People would have jobs because US industries would relocate to our country. Our currency would be the US dollar. Apples, oranges, and PX goods would flow nonstop. Unemployed people would be under welfare ... "

It was at the point when Cabangbang insisted that it would be easy for Filipinos to go to the States because they did not have to apply for a visa, when someone from the audience shouted and said in Tagalog: "Ayokong maging estado tayo ng America ( I do not want us to become the next US state) ... "

Surprised by the sudden intrusion, Cabangbang calmly said: "Bakit, anak? Bakit ayaw mo? (Why, my son? Why not?)"

"Kasi kapag naging estado tayo ng America, hindi na tayo puedeng mag-abroad. Paano pa tayo mag-abroad kung nasa abroad ka na? (It's because if our country becomes the next US state, I do not think I can go abroad. How I can go abroad, when I am already abroad), "the middle-aged man said, eliciting laughter from the crowd.

I vividly remember sometime in the run-up for the 1992 presidential elections, when presidential candidates, including those who were later declared as a "nuisance candidate" had a grand time explaining their programs of government in the candidates' second in the government television.

One of the presidential candidates was my former teacher in college; in fact, he was my teacher in economic development, one of my elective subjects in economics.

Until now, I do not know what prompted him to launch his quixotic quest for the presidency, although I know he is a sincere person, who has a deep love for our country.

My teacher gave an excellent, if not a resounding, analysis of the country's problems. He was not my teacher on an important subject for nothing economics.

But when the interviewer asked him how he intended to address the fact he had neither the political parties nor the resources to sustain his presidential run, showed his slip. He said:

"Well, I intend to go on a house to house campaign," he told the bewildered interviewer and television audience, which included me. House to house campaign for a presidential candidacy? He could have thought he was running for councilor in the village.

This is not all. Probably the funniest was when the late radio commentator Lucio de Gala ran for president in 1981 to oppose Marcos.

It was the height of the Marcos dictatorship in those days and nobody in his right mind wanted to run against the dictator for fear of losing. The mainstream political opposition even decided to boycott the elections, leaving Mark with token opposition.

But Manila Times publisher Chino Roces and Agence France-Presse  chief correspondent Teddy Benigno had a better idea. Believing that Marcos was only doing the show for the elections and that he was fooling the Filipino people, they thought that they might as well field a fool to face Marcos. Lucio de Gala is the perfect choice.

Lucio de Gala somewhat appealed as a Don Quijote of those days because of his silent but humble demeanor. He was a radio commentator during the premarital law days, but he became jobless when Marcos put the country under martial rule.

Lucio de Gala lived as a virtual pauper, subsisting on the pittance his friends gave him. But he was an opinionated man; He had many ideas. Besides he was never cowed by the authoritarian rule of Marcos. Don Chino Roces and Teddy Benigno took a deep liking for him because of his charming ways. He was a friend to everybody.

Sometime in January, 1981, Don Chino and Teddy launched the presidential candidacy of Lucio De Gala and Taza de Oro, the coffee shop in front of the US Embassy along Roxas Boulevard, which became the favorite of many people who opposed Marcos. Coffee and hamburger sandwiches flowed in complete abandonment.

Savoring the fame and glory of an instant rock star during those dark days, Lucio de Gala materialized wearing a borrowed tuxedo before the adulating crowd, who felt that this was the way to get even to the repressive regime of Marcos.

Don Chino and Teddy, Lucio's financiers, gave separate but stirring speeches, as they paid tribute to Lucio de Gala for his nationalism and sense of equanimity and making himself available for the call of those times.

Their speeches were quite poignant in the sense that in total helplessness of the situation brought by the authoritarian rule, humor became most important.

In brief, it was best to counter Marcos with humor, they said, as they veiled a program for Lucio to go visit major cities to humor the country.

This was not the end of the story. Lucio de Gala gave an equally passionate speech as he detailed his program of government, if he won over Marcos. And this was the occasion he brought the house down, so to speak.

On the country's ballooning foreign debt, which reached nearly $ 20 billion in those days, de Gala had an outstanding prescription: "Let Cesar Virata pay it; he was the one who contracted it."

On the Bataan nuclear plant, which became an albatross on the country's financial health, de Gala said: "Stop its construction and sell its parts in Gandara." Incidentally, Gandara is a street in Binondo noted for the trading of scrap iron and second hand engines.

On the country's transportation problem, Lucio said: "Build a monorail system from Laoag to Zamboanga City."

De Gala likewise proposed an exile for Ferdinand and Imelda, a policy of non-alignment for the country, and the abolition of the Interim National Congress.

Again, this was not the end.

Lucio de Gala probably did not take his presidential candidacy as a joke. Later, it entered into his system, probably thinking he was a political enemy of Marcos. He took it seriously.

When Comelec disqualified him as a nuisance candidate, Lucio confessed he had sleepless nights.

Don China and Teddy could only laugh. But they were generous to a fault to Lucio. They never left him hanging in the air. They remained good friends until the end.

The most recent hilarious happened a few weeks after the 2004 presidential elections, where GMA over FPJ won in a controversial political confrontation. It was widely perceived that GMA cheated FPJ; it was Poe who won.

Comedian Amay Bisaya was among the entertainment personalities who gravitated naturally to FPJ; he was one of his ardent campaigners.

Peeved by the outcome of the controversial elections, Amay Bisaya brought a dozen "espiritistas," or spiritual mediums, from parts unknown to the main Comelec building in Intramuros, Manila. Those espiritistas performed some rituals ostensibly to drive away the "evil spirits" whom they perceived to have populated the Comelec headquarters.

It was not know if those rituals, which were covered by the media, proved to be effective. GMA stayed as president for the next six years, while Poe died sometime in December, 2004.

Just the same, a deep sense of humor runs in the Filipino blood. It shows in all occasions or milieu.