ENTER MOCHA, PERSIDA, TERESITA

By Philip M. Lustre Jr.

IT used to be the trio of Imelda Marcos, Miriam Defensor Santiago, and Kris Aquino who humored the Filipino people with their unwitting gaffes, jokes, and unabashed charm.

Now, the fumbling trio of Mocha Uson, Percida Acosta, and Teresita de Castro has taken the stage to provide the people with unbridled fun in these trying times.

Trailing closely is the pugnacious triumvirate of Sarah Duterte, Sandra Cam, and Sass Sasot, who all have gained notoriety for their demonstration of hostility to whoever they have taken fancy.

What has happened to the Philippines?

It’s easy to say the country has gone to the dogs, as indicated by the ongoing assaults on women of unparalleled substance: Leila De Lima, Leni Robredo, Ma. Lourdes Sereno, and Conchita Carpio-Morales.

But when those two sets of disdainful female characters have taken the center stage, the conclusion is simple: the country has gone nuts.

Imelda is aging, Miriam is dead, and Kris has taken a low public profile. For quite a time, they humored the Filipino people with their antics and quotes – quotable or not, forgettable or unforgettable.

Who would forget Imelda’s time-honored retort when an American journalist asked her about the perceived emergence of a new set of thieving cronies allied with the Marcos dictatorship?

Her reply that “some are smarter than the others” drew international jeers, as she showed her slip. It was her way of confirming the existence of those shadowy characters, who virtually raped the Philippine economy.

Imelda could not hide his disdain on the Filipino elite, who looked down on her despite her emergence as the other half of the Marcos conjugal dictatorship. “They are poor people with money,” she said with an air of condescension.

Later, Imelda became somewhat of a psychic, as she cited the cosmic holes where cosmic energy passed through to energize the Philippines. Many people found her statements outrageously funny.

A Singaporean journalist told me during the waning years of the Marcos dictatorship that having Imelda was “fun.” She said: “Without Imelda, the Philippines would be impoverished. You would die of boredom.”

Miriam took the country by storm, as she projected a tough image that she could lead the Filipinos to the Promised Land. She nearly won the presidency in 1992 in what could be regarded the toughest presidential elections the country had in the post-Marcos era.

She later became a senator but not without leaving her own mark of wry humor and entertainment. Miriam is not known for legislation; she does not have any landmark legislation.

But she provided the entertainment of the irreverent but cerebral kind. She picked up fights with every character she disliked and labelled them with condescending epithets.

She branded a minor functionary a “fungus faced.” When she had a bitter fight with Ping Lacson, she called him “Pinky” in reference to his sexual orientation to which even Ping hardly responded.

When she had differences with Raul Roco over certain issues, Miriam publicly said that Raul was winking at her. At that time, Raul had an eye tic, that caused involuntary winking of his left eye.

Raul’s answer was a classic response: “Nuts.”

Miriam later metamorphosed into a lawmaker, who gained national prominence for her stand-up gig lines. Speaking before students, Miriam popularized these lines:

“Holdaper: Holdap ito, ibigay mo ang pera mo.

“Congressman: Bakit mo ako hinoholdap? Hindi mo ba alam na congressman ako?

“Holdaper: Hah, congressman ka pala. Puwes ibigay mo ang pera namin.”

Kris is notorious for the public discussions of her private life and its salacious details. She is the maverick in a family known for its sense of decency.

She has given the country a trail of her indiscretions that included contracting a sexually transmitted disease from an ex-lover and stormy relations with another ex-lover, a married man, who, despite a child by her, was never accepted in her family.

Lately, Kris has somewhat matured. Her recent public statements hardly reflect the crazy things she did when she was younger.

While Imelda, Miriam, and Kris held certain level of sophistication, the fumbling trio of Mocha, Percida, and Teresita has gained fame for exhibiting idiocy of the raw kind.

Mocha is now known as the queen of fake news, lies, and deception. She issues periodic blogs that have been subjects of embarrassing fact checks. She has become a laughing stock for their erratic details.

Mocha is scorned for her lack of basic intelligence and humility. Despite the overwhelming public backlash and indignation for her shortsighted views and wrong details, Mocha does not have the moral courage to issue any public apology.

Persida is the opposite of Miriam. She have kept on issuing statements without knowing they are wrong. Although a lawyer (she placed fourth place in the Bar exams after four tries), Percida is not known to exhibit cerebral tenacity and depth. She is witless and humorless unlike Miriam.

When undergoing screening by the Judicial and Bar Council on her nomination for the vacant sat in the Supreme Court, retired Angelina Gutierrez Sandoval openly chided her for her failure to read the High Court’s decision on the issue of the burial of the carcass of dictator Ferdinand Marcos: “Magbasa-basa ka muna, hija.”

“She is the ampao, who heads the PAO,” a lawyer of note once remarked about Percida.

Teresita de Castro is the square-jawed Supreme Court justice, who spewed fire and brimstone on television in her two appearances before the Umali impeachment committee.

She narrated every alleged crime in the book Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno had committed, but could not say with certainty of any impeachable offense by the Chief Justice.

Whenever she was asked of any impeachable offense by the Chief Justice, she offered stony silence.

She was a picture of pugnacity in her two TV appearances, but she was unmasked as the lady justice who felt bitterness when a junior magistrate was named as chief justice.

The trio of Sara, Sandra, and Sasot (a fake woman) – or the three S – is notorious for their sharp tongues but not their sharp brains. They have nothing but anger in their hearts.